Captains Log...The Bruised Heart

Well, I guess outside of the controversy with and random topics and reasons I tell people to come to the blog this may be one thing that if you come and see you see. I wont really advertise this to the public. But, if they see it they see it. I guess that made sense. Basically, this is for the supporters of me regardless if I am talking about the baddest chicks on campus or not. For those who are actually just interested in my feelings and thoughts because they just genuinely appreciate that from me...

Moving on with the proceedings...

I guess a blog is supposed to be like a online journal like how doug funnie does that whole journal thing about Patty Mayonnaise. So this will be my journal I suppose as well along with all the random things in my life.

(Sigh)

You know its crazy sometimes being Nemo...Mermaids are so hard to find...Run into a few Ursula's now and then but oh well...But, that is not the point...Today I will tell a story of a heart...a bruised heart. A heart that I have tried to fix and repair and place band-aids on and use appropriate ointment on but it just does not seem to heal. Mom I miss and love you but damn you sometimes for giving me such a loving heart.

Today a good friend of mines graduated from college. Very, very, proud of her and anyone that finishes college; I can not wait till its my turn. The graduation part of the story is great but it is not really the part of the story that I wanna point out. This friend that graduated also has a group of other friends as well that I know. One being my best female friend (because I have a best friend girl and my bruh D.C), friends from her high school that are still in her life and friends from her high school that are still in her life that attend the University of Florida etc. etc.

Going back in the past...

Once upon I liked a girl who we will call BBD (bel biv devoe, cause she's poison ya know) Yea yea, cheesy, I can imagine but we will keep it moving once more and just understand why I would use a code name as oppose to her government name. I grew up with Lady BBD, we were very close in elementary school. On the phone all the time and I use to sneak over the catwalk (its like a bridge that allows you to cross the expressway) just so I could walk her home everyday. After awhile it use to cause me to get home late from school and my mom use to ask me about it but I would only make something up on the spot because I did not want her to know about miss BBD. I grew to like miss BBD and became very infatuated with this young lady (despite her ashy lips). She was actually the first girl I kissed on the cheek (I know more lameness but very significant to me). She was special, but as I have and always will be I was "just a friend." Just the homeboy that you talk about your boyfriend when he is doing you wrong and treating you like shit and you actually sit up there and deal with it (I just do not understand...in the words of charlie brown...good greef). Yea that was me, the homeboy, the ear to your every word, the consoler (which isnt a word I know) of many hearts. That was a tangent but continuing on....Well she eventually ended up going with the more popular, taller, and most likely in her eyes more appealing guy to her. Well, after the tears were done I moved on and grew more crushes as a sixth grader would grow and with the passing of my mother I kind of just moved on from the trivial crushes and missed a greater person. (Longer sigh)

It sucked but whatever...you gotta move with the punches, darwin evolution, eat ching etc. etc. (the line is from the movie collateral and I think it may be wrong but it went something in that fashion.) fast forward through time....I think it was like eighth grade and I saw her on tv (my heart bounces around in my chest cavity being excited because of seeing my elementary school crush). I think I tried to call her and we may have talked but that memory is very like, uh, shady. well fast forwarding through time again.

Now, I arrive at the University of Florida and that girl is long long gone...or so I thought...Getting crunk with the new homeboys and talking about the sexy aim staffers! Come to realize my homeboys are talking about some chick with a huge ass. Lol...yea yea, men will be men what else is new. So yea, I too admired from a far and when the girl turned around I promised everything went in slow motion. From the whip of the neck, to the arm, to the staffers telling us to get seated, just one moment in the matrix. My heart dropped and I was like wwoooooowwwwww after all these years (I am saying this in my head). She turns around and I was like "HER, YALL STUNTIN HER, I KNEW HER ELEMENTARY SCHOOL." The name nemo was slowly being adopted but, it wasnt official at the time (sidenote). And yea I fronted like I didnt care that I saw her but I was extremely excited. I thought to myself like yea man this might be fate bringing us back together. Until, damn my homeboys knowing everything, one of my homeboys was like yea I heard of her she has this big shot boyfriend that is bound to make it to the league. I was like dannggggg...Literally, my whole world crashed in a few seconds. I continued my fronting and just went about saying how they shouldn't pay any attention to her and how she just like sucks. (Yea, dudes hate too, our hate is more anger ya know).

Low and behold (I think thats how the term goes) she came over because she saw me and said "hey, alex!!" even the way she said my name was amazing (sigh). And yea I was like a little kid trapped in a candy store. The girl was bad!! Dang, I cant front when she in my face. And of course, my homeboys clowned me as well...its all good...lol! That moment made me remember all the days in elementary all over again. And whats funny is that I never really thought I would see her again. Moving on...Eventually, she kinda noticed that I was being a little distant with her and was not the same Alex (I mean it had been about a good 6 to 7 years but you get me) anymore and kind of drew back away from me. N e who...got a girlfriend and had to keep it moving...that relationship didnt last long...but, yea...

Later on in my third year I heard she was, you know, baking a "cake" in the oven. (And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and I admire the women who handle this situation and still stay in school and make it big like n e one else...)And as I was happy for the new "cake" you have to imagine it ripped me apart once more. Now, some may think man you are really over reacting, but, whatever its my heart and I do as I please with it. Think about it...yea she was with some big shot but that didnt mean much...but, this "cake" kind of sealed the deal!

Well, now, fast forwarding to my friends Graduation. Guess who was one of the close friends that were in her life that went to the University of Florida and was at the graduation?!?! You guessed it!! Lady BBD with her beautifully baked "cake" which mirrored her craftwork quite perfectly if I must say so myself. And another one of the graduates close friends that I was with that knew lady bbd from high school mentioned her and I was like yea "she sure grew from elementary," and he said "yea, she sure has an affect on people" I felt as if he knew my story...but, I just kept it moving. So yea, I saw her, clowned like I always have done since elementary school and just tried to play it normal as possible and not act like she is one of the most captivating things of my heart in like, life...Later on we are at the reception and all of the friends and family are mingling and talking and of course she is across from me being as sexy as she wants to be...and it was some part of the couple hours we were sitting there we started talking about miami and "elementary school" (why did I bring that up, I thought to myself) and all the people from back in the day...and I made a joke about how dry her lips were...lol!! And tried to shake her hand which was a big boi negative! lol! You cant diss someone and try to be nice thereafter! But, it sure is funny!! lol!! N e who, I told her "you know you my homie, you were the first girl I kissed on the cheek." And she made this stale face like "nigga you remember that lame shit, n e ways..." (I may be assuming wrong...but that was the face she gave me...) Yea, It kinda slapped me on the inside...but...it is what it is...

I eventually left and as my best friend dropped me off. But while riding in the car I just couldnt help but to sit in the backseat and think about lady BBD...her new cake...her big timer...and little ol lame fish guy...still swimming...and yea yea plenty will say "you will find that special mermaid someday." And I can honestly say "I hate when people say that...argh!!" Whatever though man, this was hard to write...had to man up a few times while writing this...but, I will continue using my blog as my voice to hear my thoughts and stuff...if you read this, cool...and now, you have a little inside look to my heart I suppose...but yea I wont advertise for this like I said...if u see it you see it and if you dont you wont...thanks blog for being there...

and to Miss BBD: I apologize for being such a lame when you got to UF...I just did not know how to handle my emotions and didnt think I would still care as much as I did. You might be one of the most amazing works of art that I have every come across. And I really wont ever forget you. There will always be a place for you in this bruised heart. Along with the many other heartaches and heart pains and etc. etc. I tried to repair things, but I think I wrote a check that I just couldnt cash and like I said in my opinion and to my heart she is the most amazing thing..ever...As tears build...I digress...

Captain Nemo signing out!