Welcome, Welcome, if you have not been to a speak on it thursday's you need to catch up!! So this week we are asking If they are in such a good relationship, then why did they still get caught cheating? Go ahead, bloggers, twitters, facebookers...Speak on it...
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Thats a hell of 10 cents!!
ReplyDeleteWell, yea I will agree with the bored part. I really thought I loved my boyfriend because we were together since high school and I thought he was the one and only. But then we went to separate colleges and then it got really hard.
ReplyDeleteHe started calling less and so did I, we got involved and it just got hard. He is also an athlete so I really didnt take his ass serious anyways as far as him telling me its all about me and he aint doing nothing...like I must have dumb bitch tatted on my forehead.
Anyhow, the sex was not really that good anyways. He was just my first adn I just thought that he was gonna be my last and I thought I had everything mapped out. But then I met this guy and at first I was doing a good job at ignoring but my body started calling..and when your mind and body start telling you yes, then that mean let that nigga have it! hehehehheee....
But, this dude blew my mind out the back of my head...doing things I never knew humans could do...he made my Man, look like a boy and I was like dang....what else am I missing out on...and then it just went down hill from there...oh well, though..everything happens for a reason!
This is more of a question then a comment. What about if you're truly in a great relationship, your man treats you like a queen, but you feel despite all this, you both may be missing out since the bulk of your experiences have been only with each other.
ReplyDeleteShould you not complain and stay in the good relationship or test the waters? I know some may say, if it ain't broke then don't fix it and the 80/20 rule is very valid... but curiosity killed the cat and I guess my concerns come from leaving things as is and then later down the road lets say when you officially seal the deal, you have insecurities on what you missed out on and the lack of experiences (life experiences) leads you to infidelity.
If you're having the slightest bit of doubt, is it safe to keep a good thing going or explore your curiosity before things get really serious like if you see marriage in your future together?
Great topic by the way...
Nemo, dude, as tempting as it is man...I cant do it bruh. These chicks are puttin holes in dudes heads! You heard what happen to romeo (R.I.P) but these girls are crazy! Its hard to even break up with them even if you bored dude. These chicks think they are perfect and assume cause they given you everything they think is important that you are in a good relationship. I have met a lot of "GOOD GIRLS" but not good for me, ya know! But yo keep this blog shit jumpin dude...you banggin they head open
ReplyDeleteI can def relate to the being trapped in the mindset of your "high school sweetheart". My BF and I were together since 10th grade, I thought I had it all mapped out myself too until he started acting funny. Guess he couldn't handle commitment when there was all this fresh meat around. Anyhoo, instead of sayin hey i don't think this is working out let's call it quits, i let myself get drawn in to someone else that was handling whatever he wasn't, may that be taking me out, late night chats, or making me feel good physically. Although I loved my BF, he wasn't handling his duties. I cheated b/c I kept telling myself that things would get better...but they didn't. Im not proud of myself, but i do have a pretty clear idea of why I cheated. I didn't want to let go of our title of 4 yrs just in case things got better, but at the same time I was tired of being mis-treated.
ReplyDeleteI mean personally, I would say that doubts are always going to rear there head even in the greatest relationships. I am sure even the Barack and his own lady go through issues and that would look like the epitome of all relationships. But, I mean its good to talk things out and express concerns EARLY in a relationship. A lot of people wait till they are putting a ring on there finger to realize that they did not really wanna be in a relationship as much as they thought.
ReplyDeleteRelationships are not perfect though and thats the beauty of relationships because that means you always have something to work towards. But, yea everyone at least once wants to "test the waters" but when that comes about try to make the relationship more creative, more passionate, do things for each other, random "I love you's" random letters, notes, and that goes for the dudes too...I know yall be feeling to thugged out...but thats how another dude comes around and snatch ya old lady!
But communication or the lack of communication can send a relationship spiraling into a bottomless pit. So talk about your problems as they arise cause it aint nothing like holding in your feelings for a long time. Cause when you explode ish gets ugly! but yea...dont know if this helped, but thanks for the comment!
My thoughts...
ReplyDeleteIf your in a good relationship and you cheat, you are being somewhat greedy. At least thats my feelings when dudes cheat...
If you're in a bad relationship you still shouldn't cheat, u need to get out of it. Just my thoughts..
I cheated on my lady and I was not proud of it. I just was not happy and I did not know what to do. She loved me sooo much and yea I knew either way she would not take it well...
ReplyDeleteI was stupid and you know thats something I have to deal with forever. And I just owe it to my next lady to be 100% with myself and her...its only fair!
I find the cheating thing interesting...if someone is in a "good" relationship, why are they going outside of it? How "good" can that relationship really be? I think it stems from problems that get swept under the rug. With each issue that doesn't get dealt with, the people involved grow further apart. What may appear as a perfect romance on the outside could easily be a facade. Unspoken words build invisible walls. The age-old saying "You don't know what you have till it's gone" can either be extremely accurate or irrelevant. For instance, someone who cheats out of curiosity or boredom (ex:a one night stand) may just not realize what they have. However someone who cheats progressively, slowly building a relationship with someone else (a cheating heart) probably realizes what they have and recognizes that it's coming to an end. Personally, I think people just need to start communicating with each other a little more. Ending a relationship before you stray can spare a lot of hurt feelings, and talking about what you want/need may just prevent straying in the first place.
ReplyDeletePersonally if you are out cheating the relationship isn't good, it is something to get by, and if you deemed it as good and you still step out you are being greedy (like most ppl have said today). I have had someone step out on me on numerous occasions, due to lack of intimacy in the relationship (I wasn't ready for that step at the time), and I let him back bc I thought we were in love. But when it all boils down I realize ppl will always test the waters of you give them the space to do it and they know u will always take them back.
ReplyDeleteI have yet to see the point of cheating, bc I know I personally dont want it to happen to me.
To cree
ReplyDeleteYea I feel everything your saying. I mean sometimes we as friends and society deem the relationship as good because of the materialistic things we may see happening in the relationship. Sometimes we think its good because we are hearing no negative feedback from that individual. You know, some people just dont like to be lonely to be honest and being single equates with being lonely. So, if they do not like there mate on a certain level (intimacy) or there mate does not satisfy them on a certain level then they step out on them. Sometimes its that theory of wanting to put all the different people together to make a good girl/guy friend. For me, I will meet different women and they all have a little bit of something I would want all wrapped in one package. But, there is no perfect woman, of course.
Yea whether that age old saying is flawed or a perfect 10 in regards to what it means. It is usually the case, when you are in a good relationship and they step out and get caught. If you dont get caught you dont really care about what you lost. If you are getting away with your cheating then what have you lost. You are still cheating and you still have your guy/girl. And you would be surprised how much intimacy weighs a part in relationships. It can destroy a relationship if its bad and it can destroy if its "all" that the relationship consists of and the partner will not leave because of that factor.
But in reference to boredom. I think we get bored because we are not at a mature enough level to know what we should be doing with our spouses. We have the tv and the movies...some people just are together and there fun consists of just being around each other. Who really knows how to have fun in the relationship. And the fun things we may think of may be considered as the Movies and going to eat somewhere. I mean we really do not know what to do in a relationship ya know. I know it gets hazy for me to understand what I need to be doing to keep a relationship going strong.
Communication is the key though in anything. But, its hard when the mate has grown passive or just accept whats going on. As a guy, I have been in relationships and just assume this is just how things work, this is just how things are supposed to be. And it may be another mental things where women watch the television screen and see how the modern day mother is portrayed so they feel they have to embody those characters. Men grow up with poor parenting and lack of a father so we do not know how to value a good thing when it crosses are path.
But whatever it may be, I am sure there are million people going through the same exact situation right now...but, maybe this blog might be there chance to understand whats happening and break away the chains that the length and time has placed on the hearts of men and women in bad relationships and grab the key to freedom and escape while there is still time...
I was in a good relationship, well I thought it was good to me... Question before I begin to comment, "What is a good relationship?" I think people cheat, because like Nemo said, we are young and really do not know what we want out of love or in a relationship for the fact of the matter.
ReplyDeleteI was in a relationship with a certain someone for 6 long years and because it became a long distance relationship after 3 years, we really didn't know how to handle the relationship itself. I was a good woman and tried my best to pay him attention and let him know that college wasn't going to tear me away from him, but in the beginning he was very insecure... After a while, he got comfortable and didn't think he was going to ever lose me, so the visits came less frequent and phone calls were filled with empty conversations..
So long story short, I cheated on him, yeah I know the smarter choice would have been to let him go, but I didn't know how to or I didn't know what would happen... So after I cheated I knew that things wouldn't get better for us... So I eventually told him I didn't want to be him. He took/is still taking it pretty hard, but what is a girl to do when she's not feeling appreciated.. And guess what now he wants to do everything that he stopped doing...
So I'm going to end with what I asked in the beginning, "What is a good relationship?" What we see on the outside may not always be what it really is? If you are really in a good relationship, then you will not cheat... Boredom, having doubts in a good relationship, does not make it a good relationship, because if it was a good relationship, then your mind would not have time to wonder...
Sorry for the long post...
I think people get caught cheating in good relationships because there's a difference between a "good" relationship and a "committed" one.
ReplyDeleteI could have a great relationship with someone that fulfills a certain desire in my life and still cheat on them on the regular, figuratively speaking, but a committed relationship requires acknowledgment of exclusivity between partners. If you decide to disregard that decision and one or both parties gets hurt, its on you. Many people DO make that decision to accept that their husband/boyfriend is sleeping with other women and are okay with it as long as they still hold the primary place of status in his life (a well-known taboo in Black culture).
In my opinion, though, it makes no sense to be in a relationship without at the very basis of the commitment being monogamous even outside of emotional attachment, because if otherwise, why would you even give me the title of girlfriend or more? Let's keep it real, its 2009, and socially (whether it's right or wrong I won't judge) there are many more titles available to a person of the opposite sex from which you can reap the benefits of your interest in them, whether it be purely physical or you actually have a connection.
So to make a long story short and repeat the RT I sent to Nemo on Twitter: "If you're in a good relationship, why cheat?"... the answer is...you don't.
Soooo here's my view of it.
ReplyDeleteIt depends on what kind of "good" relationship you're in. Okay, so if you're in a good relationship with someone and you've only been with that one person and maybe something comes in your mind, you hear about it, read about it, your friend brags about it...and you want to try it...but the other person doesn't. Example, you have never been eaten out and your man says, I don't eat, period. Well some girls get to complaining and then another girl starts bragging about it, a girl just might start looking. Some people just like to be able to try stuff but they don't want to put their partner in a situation that they don't feel comfortable in. Or maybe their partner is just that conservative and they just need to get their "inner freak" out.
Let's say you've been with this person and a few others, so you know what's out there. Then it turns into more of an issue of who the person is that is trying to get you to cheat, which later turns into the idea of, can I do this without getting caught and worst case scenario, will this be worth it in the end? If the person thinks that they can have a side meal and still have space for their main entree, then they are going to go for it.
AND onto my favorite scenario...because my friend went through it. Boredom, but not just because you're bored, but because you're bored and you know the person isn't going anywhere. This guy I knew basically had this chick wrapped around his finger and he knew he could do what he pleased and she wouldn't do anything about it, and it could be the same for girls that have guys "in check"
Personally, I think that if you need to step out of a relationship, you don't need to be in one. Period. Why invest energy in something that you aren't going to stay consistent with? Womp womp...play the field and be real about your intent, don't butter people up just to let them down and have them bitter to everybody else that tries to get at them.
I been a situation where I've been the "other woman" and honestly I didn't care that he had a girl friend. I thought she was ugly and didn't deserve him anyway. He was unhappy and I made him happy. I finally got sick of her still being in the picture and told him that we could no longer chill as long as he still had a g/f so he broke up with her. This happened over a year ago and we are still cool and the other chick is out of the picture. I do not condone cheating but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. There is no reason to stay in a situation where you are not happy whether its in a marriage or a casual relationship.
ReplyDeleteI agree with "that one": if you need to step out of a relationship, you don't need to be in one.
ReplyDeleteEnd of story. Your relationship is what you make it and you can't make it without communication. Reasons for cheating are many (revenge, greed, boredom, curiosity, and whatever was previously mentioned) but the solution is simple...communication.
This is not the only factor though. Maturity is quite necessary too. You have to be able to take responsibility for your relationship and determine whether you're even willing to put work into it. If you're continuously cheating and don't care, not only are you hurting the other person, you're wasting your own damn time. lol and that's just silly.
Also, the term "good relationship" is relative.