Sep 14, 2012

Captains Log: I Wait For My Maka?

I just finished watching this show and I guess it would work for the focal point of this piece. For those who watch the show every episode has a title and starts it off in question format as well (hence the title today).
Well basically the young lady kissing the Dapper (if that is the correct word) young gentlemen is named Maka. Maka is a meister and a student at...actually you probably don't care. lol. Well the guy she is kissing his name is Soul. In short they are binder together. To serve, to honor, to protect one another. They would easily put their life on the line for each other and pretty much do that in every episode to some extent.
I guess you could say I'm always in this state of "Wheres My Maka." And the millions of people tell you "don't look for it" and "be patient" cliche phrases like "it will come just wait" and yeah I get it I appreciate it but I have been single for a while. Hitting 5 golden years and Im sure other people have longer sentences lol! But still, I work on myself day in and day out. Why? because just like Soul he wants to get stronger or in this case better. He wants to become the best for Maka essentially.
Yeah, I have a bunch of female friends and they are pretty dope. Every now and then something sparks up and then falls whether it be due to casual sex that became to casual without any relationship talk or that dreadful friend zone region and/or you just never learn about that friend enough to know they could be a great candidate. Whatever the case may be I still end up singing every now and then "I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller..." Sadly enough, I was so depressed one night I actually went to sleep with that song playing. I know I know, I think its my cancer crab swag (AYEEEEE) cancer crab swag (inserts dougie) (Ayeeeee). If you didnt get that my sign is usually an emotional cannonball of happiness and sadness...okay...
So yeah, I don't know yo. The ish is annoying. I chase all the women who don't want me and ignore those who really do. I mean, I don't have to settle do I? I can be patient until I feel THIS woman right here!??! This woman right here...Yeah thats dat DEATH!!
I don't know. I feel somewhat lame even writing this. But the blog is all I have. I don't showcase it to the world anymore so its a great diary spot. Excuse me, a journal! Grown men don't have diaries. MAN LAW. I just want my MAKA bruh. I just want a woman that I can hold and honor and protect. I get tired and weary. I need someone to rub my back and tell me its okay. I don't have my mother in my life as that number one woman and maybe (even though its been a little over a decade) just maybe that adds to the subtle madness. Adds to the fear of the putrid question "What if I am really meant to be alone forever?" I think it says somewhere in the bible or I heard from a cousin or something no one is meant to be alone. But relationships (like bf/gf) aren't necessarily gonna be the fulfillment. It could mean you have a great friend by your side forever and ever not necessarily a companion or MY RIB! A brother just want his RIB back doe! I want my BABY BACK RIIIIBBSSSS! (BBQ Sauce).
As I write more paragraphs I will say it eases my mind from the frustration a tad bit. Outside of the being a graduate with a million degrees and still not being able to find a job which makes me not want to even look for a job but I have to because I owe others money or more so have them as co-signers sooooo I cant dare put them in that bind. So on top of being lonely, having no job, I also have to motivate (and yes its all by choice) others to be dreamers and not give up and its tough cause who's rooting me on? who's praying for me ya know? I mean, I definitely wish well over friends and family and such. But yeah...I know they are out there...but I could use just as much motivation as the next...I sit for hours just reading and watching motivational clips to get my spirits up and I probably should read the bible more (just like I should work out more and eat better) but you know how that story plays.
But hey maybe thats why I havent found my Maka. She's hidden somewhere between Genesis and Revelations, wrapped in the Blood of the Lamb and though me and her eyes have not met maybe if I opened up the word then maybe her face would appear more clearly to me. Either way, I need to get back on praying for this woman who will one day (in good hopes) be my wife. Praying that she is safe. Praying that she is happy. Praying that we meet. I will continue working on myself in order to be great for her when I meet her. One day I wont be told "You would be a great husband" by some woman I madly adore and actually be a great woman to that woman who has fallen for, me. Yeah...Its all good...
Well blog, thanks for being my good friend and listening to me as usual. You understand. If I talk to humans they will just throw cliches and try to solve whats going with my thoughts. Its never what I need. Ever.
Soul signing out.

1 comment:

  1. i think it's always interesting that i stumble across these captain logs... they have always been my favorite.

    "hidden somewhere between genesis and revelations"
    mmm... (made my heart smile)

    but anyhow,
    i'm not commenting to say, "just wait" or "she's somewhere out there"...
    but more so, i'm just saying, "i've been there"
    and not just with finding that someone right... but finding myself, finding contentment, finding my place, and finding christ within all of the above.

    i'm so there.
    tis all