If You Single, SHUT UP!

So today as I casually snuck on to see the world of twitter and what was the latest buzz on da timeline game I kept seeing #relationshiprules tweets! Now these rules seemed to be so jammed pack with wisdom and knowledge and some were playful and ridiculous as most trending topics are usually...But seeing the trending topics was not the problem the problem was that I am sure the people tweetin are 1) not practicing what they preach or 2) In quite the mess of a relationship themselves or just got outta one. I mean experience is the best teacher right?!?!

Well, to those who just tweet and have no means of correcting or fixing their problems whether they are the problem or not or who just be on the trending topic game just because everyone else is I have a message for you! "IF YOU SINGLE, SHUT UP!"

Why so harsh Neems...

Well, It just urks me to see all these people talking that old Horse Manure and acting but not practicing what they preach! Oh but please dont worry these culprits have titles...OH YES, THEY HAVE TITLES, you just were not aware of what type of "Single" people they are...well of course me and a large intelligent group of MOFO"s (meaning me, me, me and oh yea MYSELF) came up with a few titles and categories for these single folk...who mostly likely are too busy hating or bringing down your relationship to find their own!


HELICOPTER

So just imagine to yourself how loud and how annoying and how massive the sound of a helicopter whether landing close by or not really is...These are your first group of haters on a relationship whether good or bad! These are the mutherchristuckers who be hovering all over YOUR relationship talking about what YOU should do and what happens when YOU do this and just always worried about "How YA"LL doing?!?, what has HE/SHE been up to?!?!" LOOK, KEEP THESE HELICOPTERERS AWAY FROM YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP...In some ways they are like a case of Polio that just never got captured and destroyed! These be the ones a little too into your relationship than you and may even plan a get a way with ya ol lady or ya boo if you gotta leave on a business trip or something....watch ya back...helicopters will land n e where and our usually people you dont know trying to give you good advice! Get the Flyin Rats Turtle Neck outta here...

EEYORE

Do you remember this character from Winnie the Pooh...You know the bear with the tank top on who had a little Caucasian boy named Christopher Robin follow him all over the woods while he searched for jars of honey...WEIRD right...smh...but yea, These are the people who try and try and try and try and yes, they are still trying to bring your relationship DOWN like...(I was gonna use a Precious joke right there but I wont do it...but that girl sure is VOLUPTUOUS and Chocolate...) But, uh, yea these people always got something sad or negative to say about your relationship because they have been in nothing but horrible ones themselves. These are the insecure chicks you surround yourself at times because you fall into a helpless state of insecurity and just don't know who else to talk to but "Laquanisha" with the six boyfriends, two baby daddy's and a partridge in a pear tree. If ya boyfriend don't call this the homegirl thats like "I TOLD YOU HE CHEATIN, I TOLD YOU" Even if they just left each other 30 min. ago, she still trying to fill yo head up with more garbage than a Waste Management Plant could handle in one decade! These Eeyores are to be kept far away from your relationship because YOU "Miss I-N-S-E-CURITIES dont ya know what that mean" has no testicular fortitude to just either "ask him yourself' or just not assume he is doing something wrong because she proclaimed it. Does this happens to dudes? uhhh, yeaa, kinda but not so much...these dudes are the ones thats like "garden tools aint spit" type thing and he always feel like every chick is out for his wallet! Which may be true, but to assume that on EVERY girls character is just a tad bit flawed...Or these are the dudes that call you "whipped" and damn sure know if they had a chick they would be the first one planning valentines a year in advance and singing to his ol lady with a ukulele in cosmopolitan attire outside her window.

CHUBAKKAS

Now, this group of individuals are by themselves for one reason and one reason only. Well, maybe two or maybe its a two for one type of deal! Now if we can all reach deep in our bellies and do the chubakka noise real quick this would make this sooo much more entertaining (DDDDDDRRRRRRRRRRR). Now, this homeboy or homegirl is absolutely and adorably UGLY! Like, she just a hot mess or is Certified Shone of the Shone Institute of Shontastic Qualities or S.I.S.Q for short! And then the dude is just a LAME-O! Couldnt pull a chick with his best fit on or just plain out lame! Like, this is the homeboy that when you go out you like "DAMN bruh, how you getting to the club" knowing that your car is empty and knowing that he trying to ride with you! Well, these are UGLY LAME MOFO's who be throwing salt in your relationship at any cost...PAUSE...#WALEPLAYS (Ugly girls be quiet quiet, pretty girls clap clap like this...MY NAME WALE YOU PROLLY KNO ME FROM THE YOU KNOW, BOSS LIKE HUGO..OKAY IM DONE!) They are either pretending to be something they are or something they are not and its crazy how someone so ugly could have such a vivid imagination. But you gotta know what I am talking about...the ugly, shone, or the lame dude thats just shooting you advice on how to hold down a relationship and still cant get in a family picture with his mom and sister ya know.

Now, I am sure there are more qualities and ways to determine these types of people that who are not in relationships and just try to throw their influences on them and stuff and its not always bad and sometimes you need that outsiders opinion about a situation or you may know someone who dealt with the same situation ya know. But, take everything with a half of grain of salt. Because even taking a grain maybe too much. You gotta be able to know and understand someones thought process before feeding into them to help you with you relationship that you just dont understand. And if you just dont understand it yourself, well, then that should be your cue to make it up out of their. Also, some of these people genuinely are just trying to help but just dont know how to effectively communicate a general thought process to you and your friends just go by life based of their own thoughts or what not which is a perfectly normal and natural thing to do!

I mean hey it happens and if anyone noticed I also through out "insecurities" a few times here and there. Both males and females both deal with insecurities or most likely they are doing something wrong so they need to accuse you in order to feel better about their actions. Trust me I have done it in my past or have had seen other relationships and imagined it was something about to happen to me when nothing was really the matter...

Im sure I can go on and on and on proving to outlast even the duracel battery but I will bring this chapter to a close! If you are getting a primary source of your info from someone who is single please think to yourself "why are they single, what were they doing before that, do you know what type of person they are which explains why they aint got a ol lady/boo and you do and then ask why are they even giving you advice if you did not ask for it or asked n e one in the general vicinity to do so. Just be weary thats all, do not totally block these people out but just understand sometimes you just get what you wanna hear...and maybe even trying to just LISTEN to your friends problems or tell them to just LISTEN to yours is really all you need as oppose to being the human problem solvers that we are. But now, at least when you see these people you will have these categories in mind! just laugh when it happens and do the chubakka noise to! lmao! and remember sometimes "If you Single, SHUT UP!"

But yea im off like a prom dress my ninjas! ONE!