I wrote this a few months back but for some reason I came to read it again...There were a few errors here and there and I hope I found them all but if I did not you should still not hold a #2 pencil to my neck and try to forgive me...
So as I listen to Alicia Keys "feelin you, feelin me" I think to myself what we had??! If we really had something?!?!
So this does not just go out to you Miss 11 minus 2 this goes out to all the women who know when they have a good thing and feel like no remorse when that good thing may be lost. Excuse the vague tangent but its much needed.
Why the hell do you think your actions are whats up? Now, im not mad at you and no my feelings have not changed for how much I miss you and the fact that my heart would melt in your presence but you just pulled a stunt shawty. You really just STOPPED talking to me...You think your occasional text messages saying how you miss the NINE is gonna really be a soothing one for my heart that you put your 8 inch wide STEAK (the thing used to kill a vampire, you kno what I mean) through. Like, no remorse at all...or at least you have earned your EMMY for posing as the broken heart woman who really acts as if she has no HEART...And by no means is my goal to bash you NINE I just dont understand what I did wrong...cause this just has to be my fault. You ever cared about someone so much that you just would rather blame it all on yourself than the person....
But yea, she told me that you know when I get this job I am really not gonna have time for ANYthing...I knew anything meant boyfriend. And I told her and assured her that although I care for you a great deal I do not want to be your man. I just want you to know that you have someone that is willing to be there for you when you need and for you to have that shoulder to lean on when things got rough. If I became your man eventually then great, but if not, then life goes on. But, at least we made an effort to still not shut the doorway to your heart and add the latest state of the art technology to make sure not a single soul opens it up again! Why?!!?!?
Did my sweet sentiments in the Pickle shaped card...the candy...and the two baby penguins that we so eloquently named our children mean NOTHING? To Isis and Zion you guys are missed. I will never forget you young ones and hope mother is only taken care of you.
Tangent running, excuse me...How did I let you give me those excuses and still let myself get beat. She told me though right?!? I should have listened right?!? What about my heart should I have followed that?!? I think about you at least twice a day and I think about your chocolate coated skin, your neo soul, powerful black woman tip! I didn't forget about the school you wanted to open up...Hope that goes well for ya! What about that magical weekend we had. We went to a mental disney resort a few hundred times that weekend. Space Mountain was where we were headed where we hoped to take dips in each others soft milk like substances. Me and her kissed and felt like we were trapped in a enchanted Magic Kingdom and by the end of the night all I could leave here was a few splash waterfalls. It was disney...we had an all expense past and you loved every minute of it. But it was more than that dear...you were more than just an expensive thrill...you were the innovator of innovation. The bullets that clenched the inside of the gun tightly waiting on the right moment to be pulled. The pressure could be felt before fully cocking back and letting the world have it and knowing what your beauty can truly do and how your soul is only the one part mystery to the concepts of "If looks could kill."
What did I do wrong?!? Did I not assure you that I was going to be there? I told you "pushing me away to focus on your job" can't be cool...but you did it anyways. You called it and I tried to fight the good fight and lost...Lady Nine we thrilled each other in all textures of life. But I still lost the good fight...To you my dear have a great night! But just know that my heart yearns on for you like a child needing his mother in the early stages of development, like a light bulb needs a lamp in order to brighten up the darkest of times, like a mechanic needs his wrench...but it didn't matter because any predicament you were in was guaranteed to be TURNED into a matter of nothingness because with them they gave you a check up that no mechanic shop could ever provide for such an automobile of your maintenance. And she was not a mercedes...she was a sexy honda...dependable and guaranteed to go a long time...ya know! N e who...To you I ask why?!? All I did was open my heart to you...thats all..that was all...now, I sit here alone...but, for some odd reason I will still be waiting...waiting to eat my words....waiting to retract this entire blog and act like it never happened...sigh...I digress...
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thanks I guess? lol!
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